You came into my life in May, I thought you were just another pm kid that needed a temporary home. How far from the truth that was.
You wanted to belong so badly, always following Buddie and Ellie around, following their routines, doing what they did. You smelled all the smells, found all the trees, remembered for a minute that you had once been a "hunk of burnin love" with the girls in the puppy mill when you tried to get "romantic" with Ellie. She told you very quickly that you were in fact very fixed! :)
You realized as time went on that when Daddy said "crate" all you had to do was go in your crate and you had a warm blankie, a squeaky toy and a treat waiting for you. You knew that I would let you out every morning.
Your first couple of days with us, we babygated you in the kitchen, I finally got wise to your agility and smartness when you met me at the door after work the second day in a row, asking "okay mom, what's the next trick that I need to learn"?
You learned that when Daddy put the bowl of dog food down you could in fact sit longer than two seconds and that he always let you have the food and you didn't have to fight ANYONE for it.
You learned that you could go out in the fenced in back yard and bask in the sun, bark at all the neighborhood dogs, trucks and cars and not have to be tied up or leashed. You ran back and forth from one side of the fence to the other, back and forth until you were panting with exhaustion! Once you even got to chase a rabbit, if you had a tooth in your mouth, the rabbit would have had a run for his money!!
You made us laugh with your antics, when you watched TV, you LOVED to watch football and racing, always barking at the players and wondering where the cars and the players went to.
Then there was the other side.
The side of you that would look me in the eye with such fear, such anger and growl and snarl for no apparent reason. The side of you that bit me, even though you didn't have teeth, so many times because you were angry or afraid of my voice or maybe I had a scent that was like something from the past. The side of you that wanted to trust us, but you just couldn't, no matter what we did. For every time you bit me, I got an extra kiss a few minutes after the attack as if to say I'm sorry mom, I can't help it. I know you couldn't baby. I kept thinking that you would get better, you will learn to trust me and not growl and not bite, but finally I realized that it wasn't going to happen so I had to let you go to another mom that wanted to help you just as much as I did.
When you left I cried for days because I thought I failed you and that I didn't try hard enough, but I know now, after looking at pictures the last few days that I did try everything I knew how to do. I know that I didn't fail you, I just didn't have what you needed. But like Aunt Valerie and Aunt Carolynne said, you knew car rides and boat rides. You knew rabbits and treats and watching little kids swimming in the lake who then came to ask your name and pet you. You knew that no matter where Dad and I went, that we would always come home and let you out of your crate, you never had to stay in there long.
You knew that I loved you, I know you did, I could feel it in my heart, I could see it in your eyes. As much as I will miss you, I am so glad you don't have to live with the pain anymore that you endured your first 6 years of life. I hope you are sitting on someone's lap, letting them pet you and you are chasing all the trucks, cars, rabbits and squirrels that you possibly can.
From you I learned that no matter how many good issues or bad issues a dog may have, that I have enough love in my heart for them all and I know that even though I may not heal them, one hour, one day, one month in our house as a member of my family, is better than another day in the puppymill.
All my love Choo Choo...
Foster Momma Julie